Let me set the scene,this afternoon I am unsuccessfully trying to rest on the lounge as an infected wisdom tooth has knocked me around,it also happens to be the day that the bloody teachers decide to have a stop work meeting! Fuck!
Amid the varying levels of feralness my six year old approaches me to say "mum I think I've outgrown my parents" hmm now how does one reply to a statement like this? I did a quick mental checklist:
I love farts,giggle at them all the time
I'm up to date with year 1 trends, I know what trash packs,mighty beans & ningago are
We have the same level of swear word control...none!
O.k, so he knows heaps more about nerf guns than me but I colour in way better...
We are both fairly fast to anger especially at each other...calling that evens.
I figured we were pretty on par with other so what exactly did "I've outgrown you" mean?
He had obviously heard someone say it so my mental questions just kept coming,things like is telling someone you've "outgrown" them just a softy,softly way of saying:
"I don't like you anymore"
"I can't be bothered putting up with you"
"I'm just not that into you"
"I don't agree with your job,parenting style,partner,lifestyle whatever"
Or is just a way of saying I'm moving on with my life I'd rather it if you didn't come?
As for me I just looked at my son like he had two heads & told him that was cool & he could start to organize somewhere else to live & I'd start packing his stuff,no biggie.
Suffice to say he didn't organize anywhere else to live (damn) & I'm still slightly confused about what it means to "outgrow" someone...oh & my tooth is killing me & I can't see the dentist untill Monday!! Whaaaaa
What do you think about the term "outgrown" & why the fuck haven't you entered the "The worlds worst give away ever"? Tell me please...;)
 No you don't get a lovely bunch of flowers or coconuts... Hey,hey,welcome to Tuesday give away day! Now as you may or may not be aware of I follow & read quite a few different blogs (which is one of the reasons I'm such a shit housewife,see earlier post for confirmation) but one of the things a lot of these blogs have in common is that as they grow in popularity they get noticed by PR companies who give them products to trial & test & blog about,they also give them extras to give away as prizes to their readers.Well my friends & I can call you that because I physically know every single one of my less than 20 readers,I have a massive announcement to make...drum roll please!I'm hosting a super special give away just for you guys...yes really!!! Now hang on a second before you all start bitching about why the PR company would would pick my little blog to sponsor relax,they didn't! I haven't been approached by anyone apart from the kids wanting food & mr fixit wanting sex for ages! I'm taking the bull by the horns & sponsoring my own give away to be called... The worst fucking give away ever! (catchy huh!). Now if you are lucky enough to win this rockin prize pack it includes:- A trap-ease traditional rat trap!
Not one but two I-phone 3 plastic covers in pink & white..
A packet of 8 big W Xmas gift tags in the shape of a cute reindeer!
A bottle of Susan Lucci Youthful essence facial mist & toner (which expired in march 2010)
& last but not least the 2012 annual Milton show prize schedule (the shows been & gone)
I know! Who wouldn't want to win this totally awesome & exciting prize pack?
To enter just leave a comment below in the comments section regarding the worst prize or present you have ever been given,I will decide the winner & my decision will be final cause I'm the boss of this space,yeah baby! I will announce the winner next Tuesday & if all goes well this may become a regular thing untill I can't find anymore crappy things to give away! Please join in the fun & share your shittiest prize or gift ever...go!
Awesome isn't it? Make sure you enter for your chance to win!! Don't forget we're all madd here...just some more than others! ;)
So I have seen a few different signs like these around & I decided to buy this one to put in the kids room.I doubt very much that they will take any notice of it,nor will they do any of the things listed but you know it's worth a try & all that crap... It also got me thinking about all the other things I say regularly that should be added to the bottom of this sign,things like.. Leave your penis alone
Do not jump on the lounge,bed,your brother
Yes that is a big skid mark
Do not eat off the floor
Get the toothbrush out of your underpants
No douche bag is not spelt doosh bag
Stop choking your brother
Do not growl at old ladies
You are not a dog,do not poo in the backyard
Your penis is not a light saber
Do not sniff other people's bottoms
Do not talk to strangers about your ball sack
No that is not a mouse in mummy's bottom
Do not eat with your feet
Your undies are not a hat
No you can't marry mummy/daddy/your brother/sister
Stop touching Aunty Carly's boobs
These are just a few things that spring to mind,do you have anything you might like to add?? Go on...
 It's freezing cold & he still refuses to wear clothes... Hey guys,well today I'm going to talk a little about real life v's not so real life in regards to my household.Its kinda going to be a pictorial blog today but I will say this...my house does not always look like this,sometimes it looks heaps worse! I know!!! Wtf...  I'm so sick of seeing photos of people's serene sleeping spaces! Real world beds look something like this...maybe?  My lounge,if you sit very,very carefully none of those washing piles should collapse & fall on you...maybe.  My stupid little real life kitchen...always looks like this,there are always dishes to wash & put away...fuck!  My laundry is the same as my kitchen never ever am I finished in there...  Of course there are Lego men in my sink...where else would you put them??? Did I mention we are all fucking euro here & the laundry is in the bathroom? Yes it sucks,thanks for asking!  The children's room kinda looks better than usual & yes they are my boys being totally feral for a change...why I ask? Why?  What do you mean you don't have bits of music paraphernalia strewn all through your house? Love that mr fixit is a talented musician,hate all the shit he needs to make the music...I'm a bitch right?  The idea with cute baskets was to hide the crap build up on the kitchen bench...fail!  Last but not least my super clean organized fridge...no I do not use crisper drawers I never want to touch a liquidfied cucumber ever again thank you very much! To wrap it up please understand I would love to live in a house that looks like a magazine spread but really I am far to lazy,have too many children & spend way to much time on the Internet for that to ever happen,so I'm keeping it real & letting you all in on my big secret...I'm a pretty shit housewife & I'm o.k with that! Oh did I mention that I don't own an iron,nuff said!
Got any housewifey fails you wanna share?? Go on please...I'm not the only one am I? Am I ??
 Hey guys,seeings that it's friday the 13th,I thought I'd do a post on superstition. Wikipedia says that superstition Is a belief in supernatural causality;that one event leads to the cause of another without any process in the physical world linking the two events.Um yeah sure,whatever... Now having trawled through google looking into the history of superstition,I've basically surmised that it's got its history in folklore/religon along the lines of if you freak people out enough they will do the right thing for fear of the consequences (heaps cheaper than police & jails & laws & stuff) Here's a coulpe of fun facts about the number 13 & why it's classed as unlucky. *The most common belief is based on the bible.13 is the number of men present at the last before christ was put to death
*In the U.S some highrise buildings do not have a 13th floor
*In some Euro countries you can;t live in a house with the number 13 address,12 is followed by 12.5 then by 14
My nanna was quite a superstitious little lady,so I thought I knew most of the common superstitions going around but alas for a change I was wrong & here's a few I thought were interesting....
*A bird in the house is a sign of death...(glad I was unaware of this one when I was having trouble with that pee-wee at Tabourie,he was always inside)
*Umbrella's being put up inside are bad luck...(now I was aware of this but really folks,of course it's bad luck when your kids playing with an umbrella in the house & pokes your fricken eye out)
*A dog howling at night when someone in the house is sick is a bad omen...(if I am the one up nursing the sick person,you betcha thats going to be a bad omen when I find that fucking dog)
*A broken mirror is bad luck...(you betcha it is,especially if it's that magic mirror that comes but once in a lifetime & always makes you look thinner than you really are!)
* Getting out of bed on the wrong side (to this I say,it's not what side you get out on,it's the fact that you got out of bed at all!)
*I loved this Japenese one: If a funeral car passes, you should hide your thumb...(Duh of course you should, not even the most desperate hitchiker wants a lift to where that cars going!!)
So to wrap this post I want to know are you superstitious? Do you deliberately walk under ladders & mentally will that black cat to cross your path or do you err on the side of caution & play along just incase? Do you have an of your own superstitions? Have a great weekend & don't forget we're all madd here....
Hey there peoples, Hope the school holidays are treating you well? bahahahaha anyways as promised here is our easter wrapped up in one tidy little blog post!
The most exciting thing for me about easter these days is not bucket fulls of cheap,shiny (earth destroying palm oil filled) grainy crappy easter eggs but the annual public school easter hat parade!! Yes I'm one of those mothers who have no life to speak of & get very excited to plan what awesome recycled creation I am going to make my child wear in front of all his peers! That being said I do let the said child have some input into the process by asking "what sort of hat were you thinking for the easter hat parade babe?" & if you have any knowledge of the the we're all madd here household,you will not be at all surprised when mister 6 replied with "I want to be the shufflebot box head from the LMFAO filmclip Party rock anthem" ahhh of course you do!
So as is the way we roll,a shufflebot head it was! It actually turned out to be easier than expected as the big kids were down with this idea & miss 17 did most of the work! WINNING!
With a recycled box I got from work,some reflectors mr fixit got from work,a couple of cans of spray paint,an old flyscreen & 2 i-pod speakers we were good to go! I have wrapped the making of into a little slideshow for you to watch below,as well as a short video of some very dodgy shufflling....enjoy! So to wrap it up the hat was an outright sucess,his shufflebot head not only looked great it plugged into his i-pod & blasted LMFAO as he walked (I fricken love technology) & mister 6 came home from school with orders for shufflebot heads from his class mates! they are dreaming...
We live in a small rural/fishing community that has an easter tradition that celebrates easter with the annual "blessing of the fleet parade" it was brought here with the Italian families that are the backbone of our fishing fleet. It has grown to become an annual drawcard for our area & culminates with the blessing of the fleet princess ball & street parade. Mr 16 was involved this year as a partner for one of the princesses & so we have been involved with it first hand this year & I have to say I am so proud of all the hard work the kids put in with dancing practise,suit fittings,decorating floats & being fabulous role models for their generation.It started a couple of weeks ago with the actual blessing of the fleet princess ball & finished on sunday with massive parade of floats through the centre of town...mister 16 was a part of the 27 dresses float,so lucky for us I had a very bad wedding dress that needed a run! A great time was had by all & I am so proud of our town for holding on too tradition for the sake of the kids! Go us!!! In finishing it was a great easter tempered by way to much chocolate consumed by the children resulting in feralness that surprised even me! & ruined by one person who manages to leave a trail of destruction where ever they go....but that my friends is a blog post for another day!
How was your easter?
& don't forget we're all madd here!
 Hey peeps,Today i would like to have a little ramble about First world problems,Urban dictionary explains them as "problems from living in a wealthy ,industrialized nation that third worlders would probably roll their eyes at..." you know if those people had the energy to roll their eyes that is!
Now we have all been guilty of this at one time or another or I know i have & this week I have been following my favorite blogger edenland (google her & check her blog...AMAZING!) as she visited Niger for world vision & taking note of how lucky we are but how little we realise it on a regular basis.
I have noted some of the first world problems that we're all madd here have said out loud & am happy to share our revolting,selfish mindset that we sometimes find ourselves in...
* The butters too hard...
*There are only 2 types of breakfast cereal...
*The wifi's too slow...
*The car smells...
*I can't find my charger...
*My foundations the wrong colour...
*We're so poor....
* I'm cold...
* The birds woke me up...
*I have nothing to wear...
*It takes 10mins to drive into town...
*The rain makes my hair frizzy...
* The clothesline is too far from the house...
Now don't get me wrong I suppose some of those are valid concerns but really peoples are you aware of how really lucky we are to live in a politically stable,naturally wealthy,very accepting first world country?
I try to educate my peoples in the ways of the world both good & bad & try to give them an understanding & insight into those people that are much less fortunate than ourselves.I personally don't think shielding them from the horrors that other people suffer does them any good in the grand scheme of things,that said I do try to inform them at a level that they will understand.
So this week I'm going to find the time to sponsor a child from world vision,I think it will do us all good both individually & as a family & I would urge you to check out kiva.org they are a micro lending charity that we have been involved with for a while,that help less fortunate peoples,help themselves it's pretty amazing what $25 bucks can do.I love the whole teach a man to fish thing....
Sorry for the kinda heavy tone of this post but sometimes you just gotta say what you feel,you know?
To lighten things up a bit,I've come up with one of my famous slideshows of pictures borrowed from google images...enjoy!
Stay tuned guys I have an we're all madd here easter post coming up this week & also please comment & let me know what worthwhile charities you support both locally & internationally...
Please let me know what are your biggest first world problems...
 Hello & welcome to Paradise Island,a place where dreams are created & broken in a matter of minutes...
Let me explain a little,on Saturday night I was left alone with the 3 little people,now that sounds boring doesn't it? Why yes,yes it does,so what does the tribal leader of we're all madd here do? She decree's a Paradise Island party must be had,so with Aunty Carlz as our special guest we had ourselves an Island bash,it went a little something like this....
*Welcome to the Island of makin & breakin dreams...
* Upon greeting our esteemed guest we welcomed her to the Island with a refreshing local drink (it may or may not have been Jack Daniels) *Aunty Carlz had a slight moment with Steve the snake but they soon sorted it out... We then took a lovely wander around the Island,to check out the ancient relics & do the touristy thang... *We got up close & personal with some of the natives,they seemed to take a shine to us & Aunty Carlz even managed to communicate with them using Island sign language! * Time came for the Island feast...Aunty Carlz had requested a special dish that she orders from the local chinese,be recreated on the Island,it seemed to be a winner... * Then came fire time,it seems I am much better at creating smoke rather than fire,so after about 15 mins of sending some serious smoke signals to neighbouring Islands,Aunty Carlz took over...is there nothing that woman cannot do I ask? * There was only one brief moment where we both kind of looked at each other & said maybe I should have the hose handy,whatcha think,It was a fire fit for volcano & we were proud that it did not burn down our beautiful Island! phew!! * We drank out of coconut cups,dressed in grass skirts & had ourselves one hell of an Island party with the 2 of us,we went to bed cross eyed after discussing the merits of taking a bucket with us (you know just in case) but decided to just throw a leg out of the bed if it started spinning too fast...oh the Island were the lifestyle is slow but where the bed spins fast,how I love you! *Before we knew morning arrived & we waved our special visitor away from the Island untill next time...& trust me there will be a next time...you know how I know? because we're all madd here & thats how we roll!!
image care of google..
 Following on from yesterday's post I started to think am I really as tolerant as I like to think I am? upon pondering this weighty question i have come to the conclusion that no, I am not & below my friends are a few examples of why...
*White guys with dreads (dude you just look kinda homeless & dirty)
*Old guys in convertables (mid- life crisis anyone?)
*People talking down to me (go on try it sometime)
*Teenagers that forget it's their job to wash the dishes every night (make me yell very loudly every morning!)
*Feeling obligated (I hate that feeling of have to, I would much rather feel I have a choice even if I don't)
*Whingers (especially serial facebook status whinges, no one fucking cares!)
*Mutton Dress as Lamb (you can still be fashionable and on trend without looking like you cut sick in Supre with the visa card)
*People with no idea with whats going on in the world (dudes, the news only goes for half an hour! Do yourself a favour!)
*Unblended foundation (Look in the mirror properly peeps)
*People that don't keep left unless overtaking (make me feel very stabby)
*People that still insist that android is better than Apple (wake up dickheads! There is no comparison, none, nada, zip! Android sucks)
*Tupperware cupboards (maybe it's just mine, but that shit never matches and falls out on top of me every time I open the door)
*Cowboy boots and short shorts. (You look like a stripper, if you are a stripper you look fine)
*Rude shop assistants (You are payed to smile and help me. Do your job or leave)
*Old peoples attitude to technology (Things weren't easier in the day, that's why we have technology. It wasn't as good as you remember, take off your rose coloured glasses)
*People that constantly talk about how busy they are (Now we've been guilty of this on occasion, but you know the ones.
Always crapping on about where they have been or where they are going etc,etc. Chill the fuck out or shut the fuck up!)
*People who don't think signs apply to them (such as No Parking, No Stopping etc.. They DO apply to you, even if you are 105)
These are just a few of the things that I am intolerant of, please feel free to add any of your own. I would love to know that I am not the only one with issues.
DONT FORGET WERE ALL MADD HERE!!! Have a great weekend...
image care of google
 Hey all,Today I want to ask the question,"so who makes the rules for whats considered normal? Are we really as tolerant & accepting as we think?"
Being a part of the were all madd here crew makes gaging what is considered normal & what we consider normal a very blurry line indeed.I'm talking both big & small stuff lets explore a few case scenarios shall we:
* we are a blended family by definition but we are not,what we are is a family fullstop I hate the whole labelling thing.I get that it can be a little hard for people to grasp the whole but she's 10 years older than him with 2 kids from a previous relationship & now they are married with 3 more kids with weird names.10 years down the track this is a non issue for us,we are just a family doing our family thing with all the highs & lows associated, thats totally normal is'nt it?
*my 3 youngest kids have unusual names,Bam,Spy & Nyx now people get a grip here, unusual names are not a new thing because really unless you have a biblical name at one stage in the timeline your name would have been considered unusual,I have always said if my children have issues with their names as they get older they can change it to whatever they wish, no biggie.Unfortunately people cannot help but express themselves in regard to what you call your children, as if it has anything to do with them anyways? Hey reality check,people used to call their kids Fanny & Dick back in the day. I'm just glad I wasn't named after my genitalia if you know what I mean?
*My younger 2 boys have lovely blond curly hair,that I don't cut much hence it's long,well fuck me dead if this isn't an issue for a lot of people,especially a lot of middle aged people who lived through the 60's (fucking flower power people) & more than likely had very long hair that their parents hated (did the drugs fuck your memories that much?). The really old people who say things like "what lovely girls you have" don't bother me at all they probably have eyesight issues & can't see very well anyways, it's people that have grown up without the expectation of a short back & sides that really piss me off...example: I have a relative that just about every time we see them, has to make the comment "I can't wait to see the boys with their first proper big boy hair cuts", why?, will it make difference to their spirit,personality? I do the old smile & say nothing all the while thinking to myself "fuck off,It's comments like yours that make hope they never want to cut their hair & one day wrap their lovely locks around your throat & choke you with it" (anger issues much?).
The worst thing is Bam got off the bus last week walked in & said to me "mum, I have to get my hair cut" when I asked him why he replied with "the kids on the bus told me i should have a hair cut" to say I was upset & angry& sad & all that are an understatement,it's 2012 peeps,have we learn't nothing about individuality in the last 50 years including teaching your children that not everybody looks the same & thats O.K too? I let him know that if that was what he really wanted,no problem he could cut his hair but I also gently reminded him that lots of boys have or have had long hair including his daddy & his poppy & that he did not have to fit into anyones idea of what he should look like,that if he was happy with how he looked that was all that mattered.Seems peer group pressure starts very early indeed but I am happy to report he still has his gorgeous locks,it takes strength to be who you are even at 6!
*A similar issue we are confronting is with the way the kids choose to dress,now my mr Spy guy is an individual dresser through & through. His favourite colour is orange & around the house his favourite thing to wear is simply underpants,nothing more nothing less. This makes for interesting trips to the bus stop to wave Bam off of a morning (the bus stop is across the road). I'm sure it must be quite a sight to see this little man child with a semi afro of with blond curls,standing out the front of the house in his undies (sometimes with a little something stashed down the front,giving him a hefty "package") with not a care in the world for what anyone else would think of him,waving his big brother off,but this morning I noticed some of the kids on the bus pointing & laughing. He didn't notice but my heart broke a little for him know that, soon enough he may have to tone down his individual flair,just so as to appease other children his age & not become a target for their cruelty. I don't want him to feel like he has to change or tone down his personality to be accepted or liked,that being who he is,is all that matters.I'm not saying I think he should be allowed to wear his undies everywhere we go,just that i worry for the innocence he will lose as his awareness of other people & their reactions increases.
I suppose what I'm really worrying & wondering about "is there a certain moulding & tweeking of our personalities that we just have to do,to be members of society?" Is it possible to be accepted by a wider community or should feeling ridiculed & different be par for the course if you choose to be a "little out there"?, "Are any of us really as tolerant as we like to think we are?" & lastly "whats normal anyway?".....
As for my use of profanity.I'm pretty sure it's very above normal but sometimes it feels so good to verbalise that, geez i wanna punch someone in the face feeling,loudly & dramatically! or is that just me?......
Don't forget we're all madd here :)
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