Mr 16 decided a few months ago that he wanted to live with his dad full-time.Now don't get me wrong from the moment his father & I decided when he was 4 to go our seperate ways,this was something I knew would happen at some point. Then it happened...& it floored me.
I cannot properly articulate the ways in which this has made me feel,the sadness it sweeps in like a fog & envelopes me,the powerlessness,this was his choice to make,he is 16 I must respect him & his decisions,the loneliness,I know I am not the only parent to go through this but I sure feel like it,the shame,I feel like I failed him,why else would he want to leave,the selfishness,this is not about me it's about him & what's best for him.
A few months in he seems to be going really well.I don't see a lot of him but I text him regularly (16yr old boys don't seem to phone chat like girls do)
I tread lightly with him,I don't want to push him further away by being all crazy needy but I always let him know I miss him.
When I do see him I hold my tears untill he leaves,he doesn't need me guilt trippin him.
I miss his jokes & his cooking,I am also starting to realise he was the only one in the house that really listened to anything I said...
His little sister misses him a lot & that breaks me everytime,it's like he died but he didn't because we see him & it's heart shattering all over again...
I don't know if & when it will get better,will it ever?
I do know the lessons that are to be learned from this are long,hard,very painful & bloody heart breaking....
Anyone got any words of wisdom? I sure could use some...j9