I find myself in the unique position of having been both a young mum & an older mum & the one thing I know for sure is that I am parenting much differently the second time around compared to the first time. I don't mean my core parenting ideals have changed all that much,I have raised them all with lots of love & kisses & cuddles & awesome dress sense but as I have grown older I have changed & thus so has my parenting.
I was almost 23 when I had my darling missA17,she was fully planned & I thought I was ready to take motherhood on & I was, apart from the fact missA17 refused to sleep anywhere but on me for the first 6 months of her life but thats a whole other post. It was terrible,difficult,taxing but IT WAS ALSO THE MOST MAGICAL TIME OF MY LIFE I really & truly fell in love for the first time ever & felt so bloody powerful it was crazy! Mrm16 followed her about 17 months later,now we lived in western Sydney back then & I didn't drive so we bussed & trained it wherever we needed to go,looking back it sucked arse but I knew no other way & being the youngster I was,I just did it because I was so worried about what other people may or may not think of me that I tried extra hard to be the best I could be & I expected that of my children as well.They were always clean, dressed perfectly,well behaved (or look out),quite,tidy jesus just reading this makes me sad for them, poor little robots...
Then when I was 29 my relationship with their father broke down & I found myself....
I became the person that made me happy,I relaxed,I stopped worrying what people thought because I finally realised that regardless of how hard I tried to be what other people wanted,I was just me,I was always going to be this slightly crazy, not quite textbook mother that loved her kids fiercely,infinitely & without expectation. I realised that all people are different,thus what they consider to be acceptable different,that I just needed to follow my gut instincts & use a sensible head & all will be o.k!
Just quietly,it is just as well I learned those lessons before I went on to have the last 3 amigo's because if I had not,I would now be a ward of some crappy psych ward in shitsville because there is no way I could have lived up to my own standards & still had a happy bone in my body.
I still have standards & rules we live by, but the boring day to day stuff I'm pretty flexible with you know so they may not have a bath everyday & you know what, I wash their hair even less! wearing your p.j's all day is fine & as for housework well fuck that shit I do what I have too nothing more nothing less (well sometimes less,actually a lot of times less) I just don't care that much,I will have a lovely clean sterile home when they all leave(god, I hope they don't leave...) if you come to visit me & you have time to judge me in your head,make yourself useful instead grab a fuckin cloth & start wiping judge judy!
I also do not feel that I have to make sure that we have activities planned for every minute of everyday,sure we do stuff & I do think sport is important for all kids but these super mums, who when you are silly enough to ask what happening,give you the 5min non-stop run down of their kids after school activities bore & shit me at the same time,hey love. get your own life,give your kids some breathing space & relax nobody cares if your child is doing 6 sports,3 instruments & drama classes as well! (you will most often find those women don't use the internet for anything other than e-mail either! poor bitches...)
Don't get me wrong I'm not always free & easy & happy,5 kids,a husband,mortgage ect could turn the Dali Lama into a foul mouthed,pysco axe murderer but there is joy in everyday somewhere, sometimes you just have look really,really hard!
I personally think we are all super mums, because we all keep getting up every morning rain,hail or shine to do our very best for our people & ourselves,this is important, just because you are a parent, does not mean you are not a stand alone person who has wants & needs & dreams that don't involve anyone you live with! You are & you should, because enjoying things away from your family,help to make you a more interesting,rounded person & that can never be a bad thing right?
Are you a super mum?
What do you think makes a supermum?
Do you care too much about what other people think?