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Hey all,Today Ithought I'd share with you a few lessons I have learned on my parenting journey raising my 5 kids (please note some of these are said in jest...or are they?)
Here is my do not list:
*Do not try to teach your child to talk any sooner than they are ready,you will regret it most every minute of the day from then on in,little people do not have a mute switch & will take every opportunity to waffle crap to you from the minute they wake up untill well after they have been put into bed for the night. Example: after being put into bed they will continue to yell from their beds that they are not tired but thirsty,they then need to go the toilet,they feel a nightmare coming on ect,ect,ect untill you eventually go to bed yourself so you don't have to listen anymore...
 *Expanding on the the talking Do Not ever let your child learn to whistle...mr S 4  has learn't this dreadful habit so now does he not only whistle on the car constantly,he also whistles at me to get my attention like I am a dog...I repeat DO NOT EVER LET YOUR CHILD WHISTLE!
*Do not  teach your child to answer the phone,as they cannot read they don't know not to answer phone calls from overseas telemarketers or your relatives you do not wish to speak to.
*Do not ever cook anything mildly interesting that takes more than 10 minutes,not only will they not eat it you will probably burn it because your busy doing other things for them & you won't eat it either then! My suggestions for a meal rotation are as follows: spag bol,2min noodles,pies,cereal,spag bol,toast,sausages & mash,2min noodles,spag bol ect,ect,ect
*Do not toilet train them untill they are 10,then you won't ever be faced the senario of being almost finished the grocery shopping only to have to abandon it,whilst running frantically through the shopping centre with a child screaming ït's coming,it's coming! lucky you if it's only a wee....
*Do not buy them expensive toys untill they are at least 5,before this just give them a bunch of empty boxes & some pegs,they seem to enjoy those so much better or better yet give toys meant for them to their brother or sister then you can be sure they will want to play with them..
*NEVER give your child lollies or fizzy drink,that stuff is like crack for kids,they will never be the same again & you will never hear the end of them nagging for more of whatever it is they want & never leave them unsupervised with a bag of any lollie they will hoover those things down faster than you can say "Where are those lollies that were on the bench?",they will then run around in circles,screaming for at least 45 mins...I repeat sugar is crack to kids!
Now for my do list..this list is designed to make your life easier,your very welcome!
*Do teach your child to turn on the T.V as soon as you can,this will help you get 5 minutes more sleep of a morning (hey 5 mins is a lot when you are a parent)
*Do teach your child that dry bread is yummy so that you may extend your morning sleep in to 10 mins (make sure you leave it near the T.V so they can acesses it straight up)
*teach them to make their beds as soon as they get out of them,this is one of the harder tips but will be well worth it in the long run,it sucks fighting with them day after bloody day to make your bed,train them early.
*When your child is in the first years of infants school,double check everything they tell you,double check dates,mufti days,fetes ect,ect (so you don't get stuck looking like a fuckwit when you send your child dressed in something stupid on the wrong day,not only will your child still blame you when they gave you the dud info in the first place but the parents will look at you with distain & the teacher may call a special meeting to acess your parenting skills,this happened to me last week)
*Teach your kids that it's O.K to wear your pj's all day if your not going anywhere,who needs more washing I ask?
*Todays final & perhaps most important tip is teach your child to ask daddy for whatever it is they want,if mummy's on the computer!
Hope this helps in some way to make your parenting journey much easier....below is a little slideshow of parenting tips for babies I thought were especially handy! (all images borrowed from google) 

 


Comments

Auntycarlz
03/22/2012 20:40

Where was this list 16 years ago?

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Emmie
04/01/2012 17:17

Funny stuff! Loving the bread by the TV idea...

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