Hey guys,Today I'm diving straight in with my thoughts on a what could well become or is becoming a real issue with our kids...internet porn.
Now some of you will have already heard me express my concerns about this particular issue as it's something that I feel quite strongly about on a few levels & having teenagers has only brought it to the forefront.
I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a great deal of experience with porn,yes I watched "Debbie does Dallas" as a teen in the 80's on vhs at a party & flicked through a friends dads "Ribald" mags (holy crap),I even spent a lot of time reading penthouse articles at another friends who was by his own admission a pornaholic but to me it was always kinda seedy & dirty with the faint air of desperation.
Anyways as part of my research for this post I had a quick look on my phone free porn...geez! Well lets just say that there is plenty available & it is certainly free & it's totally what I would class as hardcore.
It seems to be that normal vaginal penetration is not enough anymore it's all about group sex,anal & degradation of the woman by verbal & physical means. The more I think about the sort of things I saw & they were just the tip of the iceberg,the more it freaks me out that young boys are growing up on a diet of this stuff well before they have any real experience of  sex with a girl & how does this alter their expectations of what real sex will be like?
How much more pressure does this put on young girls to live up to their boyfriends expectations? There was nothing romantic about what I saw.
Will this constant flow of hardcore desenstize our boys to "normal sex"? Will they keep pushing for more from the girls they are with & we all know there's always a girl who will do whats asked,regardless of if it's what she wants or not.
The stuff I saw showed a complete disregard for STD prevention (dude if it's been in your bum don't ever put it anywhwere else untill you've had a shower ewww)
Really, the point I think I'm trying to make with this post is our kids have 24hr a day access to this stuff nowadays & if you think for one minute that they are not watching this stuff you are only fooling yourself,primary school age kids can get to this stuff & will given half a chance,it's about teaching them about whats real life, whats fantasy & how to not blur the lines too much.
So how do we communicate all these things not only to our boys but our girls as well?
I don't know? I have spoken to mr16 a lot about this,I like to bring it up in the car,he's trapped so he has to listen but we don't have to look eye to eye so it's a bit easier & I was pretty straight up,I just said "I want you to know that most girls you have sex with will not want you to cum all over their face & they won't be comfortable with anal sex at least not in the first stages of a relationship maybe not ever & that he needed to respect that,girls in porno's get paid to do that stuff IT'S NOT REAL LIFE!"
I really don't know what the answers are but I do know that we as parents have to really bite the bullet & confront & discuss this with our kids regardless of how hard or embarrassing it may be,we need to help them understand that life ain't always what it seems in the movies & nor do we want it to be...at least I don't want my daughters thinking thats what they have to do/be to keep a boy interested! being a teenager sure aint getting any easier....
What are your thoughts on this issue?
Please excuse spelling



07/08/2012 17:27

Hmmm, has been an issue at our house for years now. Have sat boys down and told them that these people are paid to do what they do and if they were to try even half the shit they see on the net with a girl on first sexual encounter, they can pretty much guarantee they will be single for a while to come!! I had a huge issue with the TV show Winners and Losers last week when the big blonde chick had to go to a sex store to buy dress ups and toys to make sure her man didnt go elsewhere for sex. For this to be on at 8.30pm makes sure that a whole bunch of adolescent girls now think that men will wander if you don't 'spice it up'. Scary thing is that we think we are actually evolving!

07/08/2012 17:32

Well J9 another excellent post for a monday morning...lol. However, you know that my feelings on this are the same as yours as it is something that we have discussed over a coffee before :0) Im also putting it out there to the cyber-verse that i will NOT be reading the 50 shades of Grey series as from what ive heard its pretty full on in terms of how the main charactor not only controls his young virgin "partner" in a sexual sense but also in terms of everything else that she does like what she wears and what she eats etc. I really dont think that we should be encouraging young women into there kinds of dominant/submissive relationships.There are far too many women in the real world who are subjected to this type of treatment against there will on a daily basis.
As you say, there is an obscene (no pun intended) amount of porn available anywhere and anytime you can think of accessing it, and you are right about it being a completely unrealisic portrayl of both women and men. Im sure teenage boys have enough "penis doubt" without adding 10inch porn dicks into the mix. I have also seen a few programs on SBS (not the sex ones...lol) about women who have "retired" from porn and the devastating affects their career choice has had on them,. They are often depressd, feel worthless,have trouble maintaing relationships and have contracted diseases. Porn in the mainstream is far to overglamourised and has become too "normal" . Now, by no means am i saying that all sex and sexual expression is bad or taboo, although, i do think it should be a bit more private and i think that I and my children should be able to use the internet withpout worrying about copping an eyeful of someone elses sexual acts.
It will be hard to keep maintaing healthy sexual attitudes in our kids, but as you say, we have to talk to them and not bee embarrassed to tell the truth :0)

Vivian Bassett
07/09/2012 17:13

Well written Janine, I think that along with many other things our kids will be exposed to on a screen of one sort or another gang bangs, anal, golden showers and plastic boobs on plastic Barbie dolls will be filed in the fantasy file where it belongs just like my hubby (im guessing) and everyone else’s. They’re not going to get to be Tony Stark either.

It will come down to common sense and parent supervision and awareness. My sons are way too young yet but my 13yr old step-daughter is not allowed to use any internet linked screen items in her room and if she wants to use her laptop she does in the dinning room where we can pop our heads over her shoulder, invade her privacy and check who she is “chatting” to and exactly what she is doing. She is 13 almost 14 and she has no right to privacy yet as far as the Internet and phones go. If she does not like it she is not allowed to use them. Our rule is we paid for all your stuff and we just let you use it.
Your right, open conversations preferably in the car with no escape are the way to go.

07/10/2012 23:40

Well said, though I think our only option as parents is to confront and talk about these issues with our kids. Make them comfortable in their own skin ,with their bodies. Make them aware of the issue of consent and denial. It is a extension of what we try to teach our little children about touch , good and bad as we try to give them the resources for their protection against preditors. We cannot always be there to censor what they hear and see, as little kids or as young adults. Even with Internet protection and their use of the Internet when you are in the room does not always mean that they are protected. As my 9yr old and I found out when she was looking up Oragami and a sexually explicit photo pops up . A small talk we had about pop ups and how they can be not nice ensured. Did I want to delve deeper. Not yet she is 9. We have to give our kids the tools and strategies to live in THIS world. I want to give my kids real expectation and also preserve their sexuality so they may not be inhibited in their adult lives. Sex is not wrong, and we can only hope to guide them to be willing consenting adults . I have greater issue with the amount of violence that is in our children's lives through video games that many parents allow and purchase for their kids. Even though I don't purchase them my children are exposed to them when visiting others in their homes. Like movies , I don't allow my 9 yr olds to watch M rated movies but they do when staying with others. We cannot protect them from the World they live in in, but try to give them the skills to discern the good and the bad.

07/30/2012 20:57

Wow a very well thought out post and responses - I only clicked through for the LOLs although I did laugh at "They’re not going to get to be Tony Stark either".

Generally I agree that porn can be seen as normal when in fact it is fantasy
Young people who are more exposed to this sort of thing have a different expectation but hopefully both partners do. I think it is fair to say that many young girls are much more open about the sex and sexuality and are open to sexual experimentation etc than prior generations - but maybe I am just an old fuddy duddy now.
What 2 people do consensually doesn't bother me and if both have grown up in a society & environment with a more risque nature than before so what. Emmie's point about one partner (in this case the larger lady on tv) doing something to please the other when they would prefer not to is valid - but haven't this always happened? I can quote many names of girls who got talked into sex (well at least alleged) in high school when they may have preferred not to. (Maybe many were happy to enjoy sex as well but I never dated them dammit!)
Teenagers have an experimentation/risk-taking attitude to life which hasn't changed. What they perceive as risky or even risque has definitely changed but so long as they both consent then be safe and play-on I reckon.
Our role as parents is to teach kids to respect themselves enough not to do what they feel they shouldn't and to respect their partners enough not to talk them into something they don't want to do. I definitely think communication is the key and Thanks for reminding me to start talking to my boys about it! :)


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